Joy Wasted with KB Dickey

You’ve probably heard the phrase, “I only do business with people who do business with me,” especially in entrepreneurial circles. At first glance, it sounds fair and logical—mutual exchange, right? But if you peel back the layers, you’ll realize that this thinking is actually a myth that could be limiting both your business growth and relationships. Most successful transactions aren’t based on tit-for-tat exchanges. Instead, they’re grounded in something much deeper: trust, value, and genuine connection.

The Grocery Store Example

Think about it—when you go to the grocery store, do you stop at the cashier and say, “I’ll buy these apples if you come to my store and buy from me?” Of course not! You buy the apples because you trust the brand or store, you like the product, and it serves a need in your life. The grocery store doesn’t require your business to buy anything from you in return. They’re confident that the value they provide—whether it’s convenience, quality, or price—will keep you coming back.

The same applies to all businesses. Successful transactions happen when one party sees enough value in the other’s product or service to make a purchase. It’s not about obligatory reciprocity but about meeting a need.

What People Really Mean

So, what do people mean when they say, “I only do business with people who do business with me”? Often, this phrase is rooted in a misunderstanding of business dynamics or an attempt to simplify networking. They believe it’s a way to build loyalty and foster stronger relationships. But here’s the thing—loyalty doesn’t come from obligation, and it certainly doesn’t last long when built on a transactional mindset.

Even if someone buys from you just because you bought from them, it’s likely to be a one-time deal. Why? Because unless they actually like, trust, and value your product or service, there’s no real reason for them to come back. They’re buying from you out of a sense of duty, not because they believe in what you offer. And that’s not a sustainable way to build relationships or business.

Building Real Connections: Trust, Value, and Liking

Here’s what really drives business: trust, value, and liking. People do business with those they know, like, and trust—not just because someone bought from them. Brands and businesses that focus on building these pillars—whether it’s through excellent customer service, high-quality products, or meaningful relationships—are the ones that thrive.

1. Trust: People need to trust that you’ll deliver on your promises, whether it’s a product, service, or experience.
2. Value: Customers have to see that what you’re offering is worth their time, money, and energy. It’s not about how much it costs but whether it solves their problem or meets their need.
3. Liking: We naturally gravitate toward people or brands we enjoy interacting with. If your brand is approachable, relatable, and customer-focused, people are more likely to choose you over others.

The Better Approach: Value First

If you really want to grow your business or network, flip the script. Instead of waiting for someone to do business with you first, focus on creating value and trust from the beginning. Offer something that meets their needs, solve their problems, and become someone they enjoy working with. It’s not about what they can do for you, but about what you can do for them.

And if you do a good enough job of adding value, people will naturally want to support you. That’s how long-term relationships and loyal customers are created. Not through transactional exchanges, but through genuine value and mutual benefit.

In Conclusion

The myth of “I only do business with people who do business with me” is just that—a myth. People do business with those they like, trust, and find value in, not because of a reciprocal obligation. While it may feel like a good strategy for building loyalty, it doesn’t hold up in the long run. Focus on providing value, building trust, and being someone people actually want to do business with, and you’ll see far more success than with any tit-for-tat approach.

At the end of the day, business isn’t a trade—it’s a relationship. And relationships built on value are the ones that truly last.